Cover Story

Beyond the Mother's Shadow: Leaving TI and the Separation-Individuation Process by Christine Grounds, LMSW

TI Graduate, Christine Grounds

s my third year at TI came to a close, I could no longer avoid the reality that I had to find an office to begin my private practice. I approached this move in a rational, confident, detached manner-with thoughts like: “The timing is right;” “I'll have more time to write articles and work on my case;” and, “It's not that big a deal.” I noticed these thoughts emerged without underlying emotion-I was not conscious of excitement, fear, or even ambivalence.

After perusing office space listings on the TI bulletin board, I arranged to see a site and, with uncharacteristic impulsivity, signed a lease without exploring further options. The location was right, the price was right-my move out of TI and into private practice all seemed going to plan.

A week before I began seeing patients in my new office, I was both surprised and dismayed to feel overwhelmed by anxiety, sadness, and anger. My thoughts had suddenly shifted from stoic assurance to apprehensive self-doubt: “Why did TI make its students leave?;” “Perhaps I wasn't ready to strike out on my own;” and, “Had I made a big mistake?” It was at this point that I was forced to admit to myself the significance of the transition. This, I realized, like all milestones, was a process of separation and individuation.

Recently, I have begun to draw parallels between this period and that of the separation-individuation process of infancy detailed by Mahler, Pine and Bergman (1975). In application of this model, I would be viewed as the infant, and TI the mother from whom I'm separating. More specifically, aspects of my reaction mirror features of the first and second subphases of the separation-individuation process.

According to Mahler, Pine and Bergman, the first subphase, called “differentiation,” begins around five months of age; the second subphase-“practicing”-ends at approximately fourteen months. These two subphases are characterized by the infant's attempt to find a tolerable balance-an ample physical distance from mother-that enables exploration of the world while maintaining enough proximity to ensure her continued function as a secure base. The authors describe this struggle as “the infant's earliest ability to move away physically from mother…righting himself-yet still holding on.” (p. 65).

In attempting to strike this balance during both subphases, the infant can be observed seeking physical and visual contact with mother in what Mahler, Pine and Bergman call “refueling” and “checking back” behaviors. Presently, I can observe similar behaviors in myself. For instance, the location I chose from my new office-West 25th Street-is just blocks from TI, providing distance for exploration, but sufficient proximity for frequent “refueling” visits. In addition, I find myself increasingly accessing my TI voicemail for messages, clearly a “checking back” response. In sum, I believe these actions help mitigate the anxiety I feel in leaving TI, while providing a bridge to continue the separation-individuation process I must experience to create a thriving private practice.

While a more detailed analysis of the parallels I have touched on are beyond the scope of this article, I would end with a quote from Mahler, Pine and Bergman, which, I believe, echoes my observations. They state, “Like any intrapsychic process (the separation-individuation process) reverberates throughout the life cycle. It is never finished; it remains always active; new phases of the life cycle see new derivatives of the earliest processes still at work.” (p. 3).